Mobile Phone Blog – Mobile phone reviews and news

A Finnish mobile phone manufacturer mimicking a Danish lager brewer… whatever will they think of next?

Because for years you’ve been hearing about what would happen “if” Carlsberg did other things. If they did parties you’d be surrounded by nubile young things wearing very few things… If they did Sunday pub teams you’d be playing with a bunch of senile ex-England stars. If if if…

But, in a sense, those Finns have gone one better with the Nokia Booklet 3G, because Nokia haven’t just asked us to imagine how great it would be if they went out and made a netbook, they’ve actually gone out there and made a netbook. And, well, it’s great.

Like, really, properly, full on great. We’ve been using netbooks for a while now, loving their no (or low) frills attitude and sheer portability. And, seeing as how Nokia phone’s have always been about those kind of things too, we had every confidence the Nokia 3G Booklet was going to be a cracker. And boy, is it.

A 10” HD screen, 3G, WiFi, sim card slot, Windows 7, 12 (twelve!) hours of battery life… what more do we need to say. Well, the question, as always, is what more can we be arsed saying. The answer, as always, is very little. But, good news too is that this fair Nokia Booklet 3G review and this official page say far more than we ever could here anyway.

So click through, agree with the greatness, crack open a beer, and just thank the day that Nokia ever decided to do a Carlsberg on us

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Sometimes, as utterly amazing, fantastic, intelligent, witty, attractive, fantastic and downright historically important as our blogs are, even we realise that whatever we right is not as effective as a mere video. Only sometimes mind, but, credit where it’s due, today is one of those days. So go on, we won’t feel bad, have a skip down to the video about the N900 attached to the bottom of this post. Go on, we won’t shout, honest.

Done it? Excellent.

So, presumably, like us, you were a bit bemused at first. Or if not bemused then sighingly depressed. Another self-made Nokia video, another reason to get mad about Nokia self-making videos. Guy with stupid Finnish hair? Check. Guy with stupid Finnish hair trying not to look like a middle-class dad of two who owns a sensible car by wearing a Stussy t-shirt? Check. Uber geek second Finnish guy who looks, well, less, or, maybe, more, oh god, what, terrifying? Check. Dodgy camera work? Check? Disappointing shots of the – GOOD LORD WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT

See, right there, that moment, that point at which they actually stop blathering on and show the phone, that is when it suddenly all becomes worth it. Because the Nokia N900 is a stonker, a stone cold screamer, a downright bad ass of a phone. And that’s not even doing it full justice. It’s not even worth mentioning any of the features of this phone here, in fact. And not only because we’re lazy and can just point you in the direction of this Nokia N900 review, or these official stats. But because there’s just too many. And every single one of them, every stat, every app, every gadget, gizmo and design feature is just spot on. Fair enough, you might not want what used to be (and now, thank god, doesn’t seem to be) called an internet tablet. But if you do, if you’re in any way in the market for a multimedia / smartphone / other kind of all-singing/-dancing handset, then put your feet up, relax, you just found what you’re looking for. It’s as simple as that.

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Man gets run over by car on Oxford Street. FAIL!

Dog bites woman on hand, detaches finger. FAIL!

Grandparent drops baby. FAIL!

Sometimes, the kids, they give us great things. Not very often, to be fair. But sometimes phrases, inventions, new musical styles or other such things emerge from da yoof. However, most of the time, all we get from them are inanities, stabbings, swine flu and all manner of STDs.

What we’re not able to decide, however, is in which camp to place the newest craze sweeping the nation (or our local pub, at least): that of people shouting FAIL at anyone who does something wrong, anyone who is bettered by someone in any way, or even just at the occurrence of an event, happening or circumstance that could have in some small or large way gone better than it did. It’s the Nelson in the Simpsons shouting HA-ha for 2009.

Mostly, it just winds us right up. But that might be because we’re quite often on the end of said FAIL! hollerings. However, we also find ourself using it more and more, and today was such a day. Because we slightly reluctantly – knowing the “quality” of the videos they produce – sat down to watch the below offering for the Nokia 5230. Then at about 35 seconds, we did a double take, rewound, then watched again. And then we shouted FAIL! At the screen. Have a go yourself. 33…34…35… finger scrolls over screen…36… screens decides to actually respond to touch. Massive, terminal FAIL! How could you make a video that shows a possible failing in your product? Utter FAIL! Radical FAIL! Sublime FAIL!

Which is all rather a shame, because as this official page details, and as this Nokia 5230 review explains, the Nokia 5230 is really not a bad phone at all. In fact, it’s a very decent, very affordable phone. Hey ho, there’s no accounting for FAIL!

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Ageing is a terrible thing. Just ask, well, anyone who’s really old. There tell you. Once they’ve finished dribbling into a bucket and wetting themselves.

But even before all that nastiness other terrible things happen. You can’t leer at girls and get away with it any more. Or, more accurately, you can’t leer at girls without the police being called, whereas before they just used to punch you. Then there’s hair loss. Then there’s immovable beer bellies. Then there’s the sudden realisation that you’re just not cool any more.

And, a bit like how dogs age far quicker than humans, the Nokia 5800 has already reached its middle age, less than a year after it was first released. How do we know this? Well, the Nokia 5800 Navigation edition is about to be released, and gone is the XpressMusic tag. That’s not to say this thing doesn’t still play music really really well (it does), it’s just that – like your dad and his fancy stereo – it’s just better that we don’t mention it. Instead, Nokia want the Nokia 5800 Navigator edition to be all about that most middle-aged of things: driving to destinations efficiently and in a timely manner, avoiding all queues and possibly stopping at a service station or quaint pub to enjoy a pint of bitter and some kind of pie. Because the 580o Navigation Edition comes pre-installed not only with Nokia Maps, but with lifetime license for voice-guided Drive and Walk navigation for your region.

Obviously you’ll be paying for these licenses via your contract, or in whatever price you pay for a pay-as-you-go version, but it’ll work out cheaper than if you were to pay for them separately. So, no need for a separate GPS to plan those trips to your caravan in Aberystwyth. Whoop-de-******-do.

Sound good to you? Then have a little look at this Nokjia 5800 navigation review. Or at this official page. Or… oh, who are we kidding. No one who’s old enough to appreciate this even reads blogs, right?

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There’s LIES a problem LIES we find LIES with most LIES press releases LIES relating to LIES just LIES about LIES every LIES single LIES phone LIES that LIES ever LIES ever LIES ever LIES gets LIES released.

Have you guessed what it is yet?

That’s writing: a slight propensity for, somewhat, you might say, in a way, kind of, if you will, bending the truth ever so much. Or, as we’ll put it after a rum or six on Monday lunchtime: “EVERY ****INH ONE OF THE ****ING ****S LIES THROUGH THEIR ****** TEETH WHENEVER THE ******* OPENS THEIR ******* MOUTH.”

Which may seem a little harsh, but then the sweetness of our rum breath does soften the message somewhat in context. Anyway, sober as we are now, we’re able to approach the issue with a little more calmness, a little less spittle. The phone at hand in today’s demonstration is the Nokia N97 Mini. It’s a fantastic little phone, no doubt about it, being as it is exactly the same in almost every way to the fantastic big phone, the n97. The thing to note though, about the newer, slimmer, smaller Nokia N97, is that apart from some minor tweaks, it is exactly – exactly – the same as the bigger N97. What, we said that already? Right, okay, sorry. But guess, just take a little itty-bitty guess how the phone has been described? No? Okay, try on this for size: “the N97 mini is truly unique.”

Want us to repeat that one too? No? Us neither.

So angry did this make us, so full of rage and bile and nose dribble that we almost became to mad to point you in the direction of these Nokia N97 Mini deals, or this Nokia N97 mini review. Because how dare they bespoil this fair language with such utter tripe. This is, in fact, the least ‘truly unique’ phone we’ve seen all year.

But what’s funny is that that’s actually a good thing. Those marketing goons have been so determined to use the same old trite language that they’ve actually missed a trick. The point about the mini that is fantastic is that it is not at all unique, it is not at all truly original or anything like that. It is just a smaller version of what was already a fantastic phone. Simple as. Because that is as appealing as can be. We just wish they had the balls to admit it.

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Nokia has officially announced the new Nokia N900, as the video below shows, this looks like a serious bit of kit. I was holding out for the N97, but I might just wait to get my hands one one of these tasty little things. There is no official release date yet, but as soon as Nokia N900 deals become available, we will be sure to let you know!

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Our bodies evolve because of what we do. Or, when people are very good at doing the things that our survival requires, they tend to survive, and therefore breed, all the more successfully.

For this simple reason alone, it can be said with absolutely certainty that the people of the future are going to have thumbs of unimaginable proportions. How do we know this? Thanks to the arrival and huge success of things like the Nokia 6760 slide. It’s simple science, dear reader, simple science.

Because the Nokia 6760 slide is ultimate proof that all the young folk today need is a decent pair of thumbs to become the most successful gossipers, rumour-mongers and – vitally – flirters of their generation. Can’t figure out how to update your Facebook while posting a Twitter while Google Talking with Dazza and Shazza and Abdus while texting Fat Steve about his plans later and, wait, the thing’s ringing… oh yeah, it’s a phone too.

Because if you can’t do all that, then quite frankly you are a miserable failure. Which makes us miserable failures, but then we’ve not that for a while. Don’t want to be a miserable, offspring-less failure too, then you’d best read this Nokia 6760 slide review, check out these 6760 slide deals and sort your life out, pronto!

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We’ve got a friend, who, like most people, changes his phone once a year. However, unlike most people, he does this not because of the end of a contract, not because he’s had a nice year’s worth of use from the handset and has rationally decided to move onto a slightly newer, slightly sleeker, slightly more full-of-useless-gadgets model like the rest of us do. No, this particular individual seems to go through some kind of urban angst every new year’s eve and hurls his phone out of the window of whatever house party we may be at. Unless it’s a ground floor window, then he’ll most likely just stamp on it.

The first year it was funny. The second funny, but a little weird. Now it’s happened four years on the trot and we’re slightly worried about him. But luckily, in the shape of the Nokia 3720 Classic, we have the perfect Christmas present for him this year. Because as the video below proves, this phone is about as indestructible as phones come. Falls from great heights: check. Big kickings: check. It’s even totally waterproof so he won’t even be able to drown it in his beer.

Now, not everyone suffers from this kind of rage against the machine (lucky, really, or walking underneath parties around new years would be very dangerous indeed) but we think there’s probably a fair number of you who work somewhere dangerous / dusty / rainy, or who just find themselves and their belongings a little more accident prone than most of us. If so, the Nokia 3720 is most definitely for you. And, being a Nokia, it’s also a more than decent phone in its own right, with a 2.2” screen, Nokia Maps, a torch and a bunch of other cool things that this Nokia 3720 classic review, or the official page will tell you if you just click here.

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Although conjuring images of Flight of the Navigator, surely one of the greatest films ever made, the Nokia 6710 is actually a rather chunky looking phone. Nokia claim on the likes of The official Nokia page that they’ve created something that’s built to fit easily in the hand for when you’re running around the city using the mapping functions, like the weird guy in the video below. Whether the mapping function is a big enough pay off though we’re not quite sure. You’ll find GPS and a much more premium finish on the 6700, and although the Nokia 6710 Navigator is features a larger screen, we’re not sure that’s enough. Fair enough, if you’re the kind of person who’s going to be using the navigation functions a lot, then this might be worth a look. Especially when you consider that Nokia chuck in a free car-holder for the phone, so you can hook this thing up to face you while you’re driving (it comes with both pedestrian and driving modes for the maps), but then the 2.6” actually starts to seem a little small when you think about how big some standalone GPS devices are.

But if you know you’re going to be using maps a lot, then this phone is pretty much a dream. Nokia Maps is a cracking piece of software, featuring in v3.0 here, and it comes with more add-ons, features, gadgets and gizmos that you can shake a compass at. In fact, the pedestrian mode even features an integrated compass so you won’t even have anything to shake.

There’s also a more than decent camera onboard, an impressive battery and Nokia’s cracking little web browser, so even when you’re not scratching your head and turning the thing upside down to try and work out where you are on street corners, then you’ll still find plenty to be happy with. Have a read of this Nokia 6710 review for a full update on everything you can expect to find onboard.

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It’s not often we find ourselves saying this, but the here goes: this phone has plenty of great features, even a couple of uniquely new features, that make it more than stand its ground in its category, but we just don’t care.

Why don’t we care? Well, the Nokia 6700 doesn’t want us to care. The 6700 is so insouciant, so resolutely fine just how it is, that it doesn’t need any kind of ego-stroking. We could tell you about the CABC. Yep, you know, the Content Adaptive Brightness Control, which uses sensors for determining the amount of ambient light around you, then checks to see what application you’re using, and adjusts the screen brightness and contrast accordingly. Example: a game would be made brighter and more powerful than reading an SMS, saving strain on the battery and improving its overall standby time. Neat, huh? Well as we were writing that the Nokia 6700 classic was just staring into the distance at some pretty women who couldn’t help but look over and giggle amongst themselves.

This phone is ‘that’ cool. It has all the specs, all the gadgets and gizmos of most of the smartphones out there, but it doesn’t feel the need to wear them on its sleeve. Most likely because its sleeves are made of finely glimmering metal. As are its buttons. And its screen, like a well-judged pair of sunglasses, is not too big, but ‘just’ big enough for what you need.

Don’t believe us? Have a look at Nokia’s official page. Still don’t believe us? Try this Nokia 6700 review. Still not sure? Maybe the video below will help. Still nothing… then baby, you just ain’t cool enough to ever understand. Go buy yourself a big-screened touchscreen piece of nonsense.

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